I still remember the first time Cuiplash and I attended our local Torture Garden fetish event and I witnessed people playing in public. I felt excited and aroused, fascinated by their dynamics and scenes as floggers were thrown, spankings administered and bodies bound. I discovered then that not only did I experience a physical and emotional thrill in watching others, I felt a much deeper craving…and next time I wanted that to be us.
Later that year Cuiplash and I were able to return and agreed we would play in public for the first time. We headed to one of the dungeon spaces, toy bag in tow. I knew what was packed, but not what he had planned as not anticipating what is coming next during play both excites and quietens my head. We were both nervous, having never scened with an audience before, and also because this pushed our boundaries around exhibitionism and openly showing our D/s dynamic and our S&M to others. We had concerns about not ‘doing it right’ and being scrutinised by others and we were aware we were putting ourselves out there somewhat. I’m glad to say our concerns were not realised.
Stepping barefoot onto the St. Andrew’s Cross as Cuiplash secured my wrists with the heavy leather cuffs chained to the wood, my bare arse exposed to the gathered crowd, was a delicious cocktail of humiliation laced with glee. I remember shivering with anticipation of showing to a gathered crowd, for the first time, that I am his. That my submission belongs to him, and that I honour him as my Dominant. A push and pull of adrenaline and joy and pride. I was practically bouncing on my toes as Cuiplash led me through an intense and freeing impact scene. Experiencing a new level of trust and connection in our D/s combined with an awareness of ‘putting on a show’ fed our newly found appetite for public play and the seed was firmly sown.
We played a number of times that night, gaining confidence and enthusiasm as we used the different spanking benches and returned to the cross, exploring the potential of the wonderful BDSM furniture that allowed us more freedom in positioning and space than we are afforded at home. To stand bound and hold posture at a solid wooden cross felt very different to relaxing over a padded leather bench and his play exploited these nuances. We learned a lot by observing others, the toys and techniques used and it was interesting to watch how scenes and aftercare were conducted by others.
I would say that despite knowing we are being watched I find the space narrows to a focal point of just us, how he is touching me, what he is saying to me, how he is hurting and arousing me. Everything and everyone else expands outwards to the periphery of our awareness as we focus on the responses of each other. He has been tender and cruel, playful and serious, tolerant and uncompromising. I have had to admit out loud which implements of pain I want, admit I want more, count for him. This pushes pleasurable humiliation buttons for me, and he knows this. I’ve shown what my body can take, what gets me off and how he does it. I’ve been restrained to benches, crosses, pentangles, A-frames and, recently, a wonderfully hand crafted creation called the Scorpion.
We have found that I react quite differently to public play than private play. I am usually able to take more, I think this is because I push myself harder, as does he. I want to please him, and to show that I am a good submissive and masochist to him to make him proud of me in that situation. There’s also definetly something about being fully dressed up to play, and knowing others are looking at us as we do. I slip easily into a giggly high subspace as we are playing, which amuses Cuiplash no end and makes for some fun scenes. My masochism dances with and pokes his sadism in a wonderful bubble of us, surrounded by the hypnotic beat of the music, observers and the sights and sounds of fellow players. It is utterly immersive and incredibly freeing.
I am grateful we have had opportunities to play together in public a number of times, primarily but not only at Torture Garden events, and including their infamous Halloween Ball in London where Cuiplash was able to push our D/s boundaries even further as laws around sex at events are different there. We made additional use of the couple’s room and chill out area and Cuiplash made me come in public as we watched others play sexually rather than just with impact and bondage as in the dungeon spaces. It was certainly an exhilarating and affirming experience to be so intimate and vulnerable, yet incredibly hedonistic!
We are travelling to Kinkfest in a couple of weeks and are very much looking forward to meeting new people, seeing friends, learning new things during the workshops and talks and to indulge both our voyeuristic and exhibitionist sides by playing together in public once more. Bouncing on my toes at the thought…