Shhh…Food for Thought Friday #59


How “real” is your online persona?

I don’t really feel I have an online ‘persona’ as such, as I try as openly as possible to express my thoughts and feelings authentically online, without pretending or putting on another ‘face’. I’d hope, and only those who’ve met me and know me could confirm, that how I am online is pretty much how I am in person.

Do you use a pseudonym, your real identity or both?

I use a pseudonym as I am in a position professionally where I have to conceal and protect my identity. It would be career limiting to me to be known as a submissive in a D/s relationship, as someone who enjoys all aspects of BDSM and who blogs about sex and relationships. It is very frustrating to me to have to do this but I also understand, to some extent, why.

I do envy those in the local and online community who do not have to carry an element of fear over exposure and can freely express themselves in all areas of their lives. I know I can often feel duplicitous regarding friends, family and colleagues when we have to conceal places or events we’ve attended, or that aspect of my marriage in general.

Where you use a pseudonym how open about your actual identity are you?

I think it can be somewhat inevitable to let some aspects of my actual identity leak out in posts, discussion and other correspondence with people as, to me, the real life details help shape a person and foster relationships. I think I would find it difficult to gain a picture (albeit not a fully fleshed out one) of a person online if there was nothing personal at all coming through about them, the devil is in the detail as they say, even if the details have to be limited for whatever reason.

I’m aware of revealing some things about my immediate and wider family, my marriage, my career and even my appearance. I think, and sometimes worry, that if you knew me in ‘real’ life and came across this blog it wouldn’t take too many leaps to realise it was me.

Is your anonymous/pseudonymous online self a secret or more a form of protective “camouflage”?

I would say it is a bit of both. No-one in my day to day life knows anything about our D/s or my blog, except my best friend, who knows some about our dynamic and we will freely discuss sex and toys and such like. I have a number of online friends from various platforms who I’ve been lucky to meet and got to know who are also in the ‘lifestyle’ and are invaluable as a source of friendship, support and understanding. The protective camouflage comes in regarding my career, as previously mentioned, and I need to remain very mindful regarding that.

I’d say that trust is a huge factor, however, and taking small steps to trust, support and encourage others in the blogging and wider BDSM community goes a long way to creating a safe place to be able to express ourselves as openly as we can, and to look out for each other. I hope, at some point, there is wider acceptance and less stigma and ignorance regarding D/s, and BDSM in general.

16 thoughts on “Shhh…Food for Thought Friday #59

  1. Foxy August 4, 2018 / 12:21 pm

    It is a hard line to walk. Being a submissive, and being Foxy, has allowed me to release part of myself I’ve been suppressing. It’s begun to affect how I live my life “outside” and people have started to wonder a bit.

    Thanks for sharing 🙂 I like having Kisungura to interact with! Your blog is thought-provoking and sexy sexy!

    Liked by 1 person

    • kisungura August 4, 2018 / 12:26 pm

      It sure is…a thin line indeed and totally understand about it leaking out into ‘outside’ life. Thank you so much, I’m delighted you’re here ☺️ x

      Liked by 1 person

  2. darkanddominant August 4, 2018 / 2:33 pm

    I forgot my own Friday answers!

    But thank you for sharing your insight with us. I’m sorry to hear that, even though you protect your own identity, you feel that pull there, of that other nature. Do you feel that some days are harder than others to keep that level of protection up or is it second nature now? Sorry if I don’t make sense. I’m a bit tired!

    Liked by 1 person

    • kisungura August 4, 2018 / 2:47 pm

      It’s not too late! Hmm, good question, I think it’s second nature now and maybe always was from the beginning through necessity.

      In a way, how much I mind that’s it’s a secret part of me can go up and down, sometimes it’s downright frustrating to have to, sometimes it’s just a delicious secret between the two of us that we look after. Ebbs and flows.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. maitreduchaton August 4, 2018 / 5:36 pm

    Good post. I too conceal who I am. I don’t mind my BDSM friends know who I am but professionally it would be suicidal for me to come out to my vanilla friends and associates.

    Liked by 1 person

    • kisungura August 4, 2018 / 5:39 pm

      Thank you, I appreciate your comment and it helps to know others understand 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. The Zen Nudist August 4, 2018 / 6:00 pm

    I think it’s a common theme that we are pretty open “within limits” in the way we present ourselves online.

    Like you, it would damage me professionally if I were “out”.

    I tend to take it a bit further in that I have twitter accounts for different aspects of my personality, so I have my “family friendly” account under my “real” identity, my “smut/kink” account and my “mental health/depression” account.


    Liked by 1 person

    • kisungura August 4, 2018 / 6:07 pm

      Do you find it works having different accounts? Obviously keeping the family friendly one separate is a must! Thank you for commenting 🙂


      • The Zen Nudist August 4, 2018 / 6:49 pm

        It works for me, but I compartmentalise everything. I accept it wouldn’t be a feasible approach for everyone.


        Liked by 1 person

      • kisungura August 4, 2018 / 6:51 pm

        I understand that, I’m pretty used to compartmentalising things myself.


  5. Marie Rebelle August 7, 2018 / 5:04 pm

    I share a lot more of myself on my blog now than I did in the beginning. I still sometimes worry what would happen if some of the ‘big bosses’ recognize me from my blog, but I think if they do, I won’t even know about it. That more or less puts my mind at ease… more or less.

    Rebel xox

    Liked by 1 person

    • kisungura August 7, 2018 / 6:07 pm

      I think that’s a good way to look at it, I know I sometimes wonder if anyone I know has seen it and worked it out, in my more uneasy moments! Thank you for commenting x


  6. Miss Scarlet August 7, 2018 / 7:09 pm

    It’s wonderful that you can discuss sex matters with your best friend. That’s something I really wish I could do.

    Liked by 1 person

    • kisungura August 7, 2018 / 7:26 pm

      I hope you may be able to in the future, she’s not aware of it all, but I bought her a jewelled butt plug and a wand and she loves them lol!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. @F4TFriday August 8, 2018 / 2:01 pm

    It does seem to be something of a recurring theme for those of us that are pseudonymous that we are so, because to be fully “out” runs the risk of being professionally damaging.

    Liked by 1 person

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