Our D/s dinner tradition. Wicked Wednesday #322

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A year or so into developing our D/s within our marriage, Cuiplash and I established a small but significant tradition in our relationship. As busy professionals with young children, quality time together can often be difficult to navigate. And so, our D/s dinner tradition was borne out of a desire to dedicate specific time alone to each other and our dynamic at home.

Our D/s dinners have evolved to become cherished evenings where depending on Cuiplash’s intention, we may practice a higher protocol dynamic or a more relaxed one, relevant to the needs of each other at the time. There are evenings when we are both dressed up for each other, Cuiplash cutting a dashing form in a dress shirt and slacks, myself dressed to please and arouse in corsets, stockings and heels. There are times when kink comes into play and I’m ankle cuffed to the table or bound to the chair. Sometimes he will tell me specifically what he would me like to wear, other times to surprise him. There have been times when we have been CM/nf, other times we have both been in jeans and T-shirts. 

For it isn’t so much about how we are dressed or what we eat and drink. Our private tradition is flexible in protocol as it is primarily about meeting the needs of each other and honouring our relationship. Taking time away from TV and phones and all manners of day to day distractions and allowing us the opportunity to focus entirely on each other and how we are doing, individually and as a couple, as Dom and as sub. 

Cuiplash always cooks, on a daily basis, and this may go against traditional roles, but he is a fine chef and a gentleman and, to him, preparing meals is very much about looking after me and our children. His intention is to care for us and feed us well, plus I am rather hopeless at it! When we have one of our private D/s dinners my role is to take time to dress our table and myself (or not) and his is to cook for us to enjoy, to create flavours and scents to relish at our leisure over candlelight. We create a bubble of us, in our kitchen, in our home. 

And as we savour his meal, we talk and we laugh, sometimes even cry. We discuss things deeply, we raise concerns and we create solutions. We check in and evaluate our path. We tease and we flirt, we admire and we seduce. We respect and we honour. We are grateful and we thank. Our tradition honours our relationship, our partnership, our marriage and our D/s. 

And when our feast has been eaten, and our wine has been drunk we will take time to enjoy each other more. Sometimes we will play, I may be bent over the table and spanked then fucked, or curled up in his lap on the sofa to nap, or we lie together naked in bed, snuggling as we make plans.

Our tradition creates space, it maintains intimacy, it encourages vulnerability and sustains authenticity. It celebrates our love and our lives. It honours who we are and how we’ve grown. A simple act of having a meal together at home, as husband and wife and as Dom and sub, has become a treasured tradition for us both.

Footnote – the Gentleman’s Collection Cabernet Sauvignon comes highly recommended by Cuiplash. Each bottle has a different slogan on the label. I bought him this one as a gift as it epitomised him, ‘Others First’.

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This Puss. Masturbation Monday #204

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this puss is in heat

on the prowl for her tomcat

masked up strapped in

breasts corseted velvet sleek

glossy legged feline

 

she perches on her cushion

at their dinner table

pawing her wine glass

lapping her drink

absentmindedly stroking her leather ears

as he eyes his prey 

 

“Come puss” he growls

stretching and arching she rises

padding through on bare toes 

yet doesn’t quite make it

as he pounces 

on his puss

 

she mewls when he bends her

collar caught against his palm

tail high, mitts low

kneading the pillow with glossy nails

a contented kitten 

as he takes what’s his

 

“Cum puss” he hisses

scruff bitten

as she scritches and scratches

and caterwauls her release 

then purrs and settles in his lap

as he strokes his pet to sleep 

Back to Basics

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Sometimes, it takes some time away from our usual surroundings for Cuiplash and I to reflect upon the fact that going back to basics is really important and valuable to us. Nothing but our bare hands, tongues, teeth and skin on skin. 

I think we can sometimes fall into a habit of pulling out the usual favourite kinky accessories that are guaranteed to work, and when we usually have a collection of toys and implements readily at our disposal, they can sometimes supersede the simple things.

Then it reminds us that a command to stay still is more powerful than a cuff, a bite more exhilarating than a clamp, a hand more punishing than a cane, a tongue more arousing than a wand, a cock always more fulfilling than a dildo, a kiss more tear jerking than a paddle.

Because at the centre of it all are our two bodies, our two souls, our two hearts and our two minds seeking to connect as one. And going back to basics, for us, is an important reminder that the simple things are, in fact, the most precious things. All the rest is just glitter.

Dominance as radical care giving

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Care giving has always been a key foundation in our relationship from the beginning, as you would expect in any loving relationship, but developing our D/s over the years has really allowed this expression of love to come to the fore for us. In the main, Cuiplash has always been the primary care giver in our relationship but my submission has also opened up new ways to care for him and meet his needs. 

Cuiplash is an incredibly nurturing man and I would describe his style of Dominance as radical care giving. He naturally puts me first, my needs over his, and supports, guides and encourages me consistently. He looks after me in many different ways and looks out for me. When we started out in our D/s and initially struggled with searching for ‘how’ to do this outside of our kink and play, we realised we had actually been all along, we just didn’t have a name for it. 

Our D/s has enabled him to develop confidence in enforcing his care whereas in the years prior I know I was, at times, resistant and obstructive to his attempts in a misplaced need to maintain control over everything. Because he was aware that this was something I defaulted to in a futile effort to reduce my anxiety and hyper vigilance, he’d allow me to carry on, mostly unchallenged. Relinquishing my need for control opened up the much needed space to hand myself over to him entirely with vulnerability, authenticity and ultimately, relief.

So today, when my bout of melancholy and insecurity hit me hard, knocking the wind out of me and leaving me challenged emotionally, lacking in energy and ability to self care, he caught me as I fell. Where I tore myself down he built me up. Where I masked, he saw. He has picked me up and held me in his hands, looking after me with my well-being his focus.

He has brought me tea, fed me, sent me for a long nap, held me. He has refused to accept my ‘I’m fine’ when he has repeatedly checked in with me. For I still struggle with feelings of being a burden and in admitting my struggles, even to him and these are old learned beliefs that I’m still working on. I wouldn’t say any of what he does is unusual but, for us, his intention and underlying foundation is clear to us both. My acceptance of his instruction honours him and our D/s.

His radical care giving has strengthened me, his vigilance and attentiveness has bandaged me, his love and nurturing cradled me as I curled up in his lap.

And in turn, as I see him hold strong, belying his own concerns over returning to work tomorrow and all the pressure and responsibility that await him there, I will care for him tonight. Where one of us falters and is compromised in capacity the other moves in to fill the space, giving of ourself what is needed to allow the other to regain strength. In this way, we meet the needs of the other, radically caring for each other.

Tears and tan lines

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This morning I’m in a bad place. I could feel it approaching, black clouds brewing on my horizon, and tried to fend it off with avoiding anything too taxing, attempts at contacting friends, laying low and trying to engage on here and elsewhere. I need to record this for myself so I remember.

But here it is. The perfect storm of post holiday blues, lack of sunlight and warmth, hormones, overwhelm at all that needs done, anxiety at impending return to work and trauma therapy, generally feeling bad about myself and doubting. I want to hide under covers and cry my heart out until my skies clear again.

Today I’ll rest, try and get a handle on it, take a break from online stuff and not listen to my brain. Maybe the sun will shine again tomorrow 🌞

If I had a photograph. Food for Thought Friday #58

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If you take risqué photographs, what is it that you enjoy most? The creativity, the composition, the feedback you get from those who see them?

I really started taking intimate photos of myself at the start of our D/s four or so years ago. I had developed a newly found appreciation for how my body looked after birthing two children who were both still under five at that point, and rediscovering our strong sexual connection, further enhanced by the openness our D/s encouraged and I wanted to express this visually for myself and for Cuiplash. Some images are surprises and gifts for him, some are requests from him, some feature us both, like a visual diary I guess. The photos then were initially primarily for Cuiplash, and mostly still are, although I have shared a fair number on my Fetlife profile since, in my blog and in participating in a number of wonderful memes since starting my blog.

As a creative educator, I have always greatly enjoyed the creative and design process involved in planning an image, considering composition, viewpoint, mood and atmosphere and will also make use of a range of editing tools including Photoshop and photographic editing apps to alter or enhance contrast, tone and colour.

I’ll admit to really appreciating both positive and constructive feedback on images I have created as I feel proud of how I look in the image, plus my ability to produce images that others enjoy, whether in an erotic or creative sense.

If you participate in any of the memes, what made you decide to take part? How did you feel the first time you linked a post for others to see?

I have only really just started participating in memes, and have been humbled, surprised and delighted to have been selected in round ups for Sinful Sunday, Masturbation Monday and Wicked Wednesday so far as I respect the opinions and wealth of creativity, experience and encouragement that exists within each. I’m grateful that there are such a number of exciting and inspiring memes to be part of and I really enjoy looking at the work of others. I decided to take part as I had seen them on other blogs and always thought they looked fun, as well as learning about the styles and creativity of others in the blogging community.

The first time I posted an erotic image of myself I used Fetlife and I felt a rush of excitement and adrenaline plus a healthy shot of anxiety, questioning why I was doing it. Positive feedback did spur me on to add more, as I produced more photo shoots for Cuiplash. When he also posted images of me on his profile I knew he was keen to show off what was his and that he was proud of me. I have become a lot more relaxed about it since, and although still have insecurities about parts of my body, I think I’m good at views and angles that flatter what I have. I have considered a series of images that show the folds and curves I’m unsure of and that is a current project for my ‘to create’ list.

How comfortable are you sharing semi-nude/nude/sexually explicit photos of yourself, either online or via a “sext”?

I recognised a while ago that I definetly possess an exhibitionist streak and, as long as I am pleased with how the image looks, I enjoy posting images of myself online, including semi nude, nude and sexually explicit, although I have a number of such images I have not posted very many that are particularly explicit and it will be interesting to see where that takes Cuiplash and I. I would like to take more images that feature both of us and have a number of ideas for future exploration.

Privately, however, I will be entirely free in sending images to Cuiplash, and he to me. We use a locked image app and store all photographs we have taken there, for our eyes only!

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Daddy issues, or finding the good in the bad…

I wrote this post a while ago but I wanted to have all my writing in one place… 

*TW* domestic violence and trauma

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I stand, shifting my weight from foot to foot uncomfortably as my fingers flick through the cards, working from right to left, top to bottom. I sigh. I hate these cards. But my hate rests protectively on top of my hurt, because they remind me of a parent I deserved but never had. ‘Thank you for being an amazing Dad’, ‘Dad, you’re one in a million’, ‘Dad, thank you for all you’ve done’.

Tears prick my eyes and inside I rail against the unfairness of it all, like a child. It’s been 21 years since I last saw him, I wonder what he thinks of on Father’s Day. I wonder what my card would say…

Thank you for teaching me that drug abuse, emotional neglect and domestic violence wreck childhoods, families, trust, attachments, relationships, emotional well being and sense of self. Wreckage that ripples out across the years. Wreckage that silences, shames and takes years to pick apart.

Thank you for instilling in me a will to never take any harmful substances, as I am acutely aware of the damage they can wreak on everyone and everything.

Thank you for ensuring I was fierce in my determination to choose a partner who is the polar opposite to you, and accept nothing less than the best. In Cuiplash I am blessed to have a man who loves, respects, treasures and cares for me, all of me, always. Whose love is not conditional on my success. Whose love is unwavering. Whose behaviour is stable. Who wants to always know the truth of my needs and will do his very best to meet them. Who does not speak one way then acts another way.

Thank you for instilling drive and ambition in me. I recognised young that lying in bed all day out your face on god knows what and not working, ever, despite being entirely capable, was not a route to achievement and pride. Thankfully, I somehow was born a clever little girl who worked hard and loved learning. Top of the class, great qualifications, 1st class honours degree, highest honours degree mark in my discipline in my year, post graduate qualification, top of my profession. Go me. Despite you.

Thank you for making it crystal clear the type of parent I should strive to be. I work hard on this every day, your example serves as a sharp deterrent of what not to do and why. My children thank you too.

Thank you for my learned ability to read people, usually very quickly and accurately. It’s serves me very well in my profession and allows me to forge trust, empathy, connection, communication and ease challenges. Some may call it hyper vigilance. I had to do this you see, to read your moods when I was young, to sense when you were going to kick off. Practice makes perfect.

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to know myself deeply. The many challenging hours in appointments with therapists exploring the length and depth of it all, trying to heal my witness to multiple acts of violence, my trauma, the chaos that was then. That time you turned up with a knife, that time you nearly killed our dog, that time I had to speak to a judge, that time I had to walk across the playground in school the day after you were jailed and it made the 6 o’clock news. That time, that time, that time… all the times. The breathtaking realisation of the enduring effects that wrote themselves into my being, my beliefs, my heart. I will no longer carry shame. You did this.

Thank you for contributing to the forging of my resilience and strength. Children do this to survive trauma. Become strong too young. I could win Oscars for my front at times, forging on ahead like a force of nature with a smile and vivacity, whilst invisibly nursing my sores. Double edged sword forged of steel.

Thank you for showing me that life isn’t always perfect, fair, happy or content. That people who claim to love you can hurt you and yours deeply, and that actions do indeed speak louder than words.

For all of this, thank you. For a great deal of me is because of you, but not all. What you did does not define me. I must remember this. I work hard every day to accept these parts and be gentle hearted with myself and others, for it’s all too easy to harden in order to protect. Old habits do indeed die hard.

I look down and smile. A bright, colourful card catches my eye. ‘We love you Daddy’. It’s perfect and I know Cuiplash will love it. He’s the best daddy I know. Our little ones are blessed. As am I. And for that, I am truly grateful.

Anniversary

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27 years together, 15 years married today and 4 years collared as Cuiplash’s  submissive in our D/s dynamic. Today is our wedding anniversary and I’m so blessed to have shared two thirds of my life loving such a wonderful man.

My best friend, my champion and my rock, Cuiplash is the only person in my life who has loved me unconditionally and has consistently been there for me through the thick and thin. He loves, accepts, sees and wants all of me, just as I am. He has patiently and lovingly cared for and supported me through a number of bouts of emotional struggle and therapy throughout my life, laterally welcoming my C-PTSD diagnosis at the start of this year, which has enabled me to access the trauma therapy I have been needing.  I cried this morning when he gave me his card, inside he’d written this –

5C0CF908-8D25-44CD-B728-D12FB03AA181We grew up together as teenagers who fell in love, through university and professional qualifications, establishing our places in our chosen careers, travelling the world on many unforgettable adventures and eventually settling down into parenthood. We compliment each other well, his calm, steady, measured manner providing the yin to my emotive, impassioned, adventurous yang. We share the same core values and have strong foundations. I am so grateful for him, I am so grateful to him.

There was nothing amiss in our marriage when we made a commitment to developing our D/s, except lack of time for ourselves and each other raising two young children under 5, at that stage in our lives. We have grown so much in the time we’ve been a couple, husband and wife and Dominant and submissive, and have evolved as partners and lovers with much fun along the way.

This year, to celebrate, we will swim and dance and enjoy our beautiful family. We will also look forward to our anniversary celebration weekend away at Kinkfest UK ‘18 where we can learn and share and tap into our deepest selves together. Happy 15 years my love. Always yours, your s xxx

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